


Mischief in an Elevator

by Latent_Thoughts



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Actor Tom Hiddleston, Actors, April Fool's Day Crack-Fest, April Fools' Day, Crack, Crack Fic, F/M, Loki - Freeform, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki/original female character - Freeform, Loki/reader - Freeform, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Tom Hiddleston/Original Female Character - Freeform, Tom Hiddleston/Reader - Freeform, Trickster Gods, Trickster Loki, tom hiddleston - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 18:21:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10519248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latent_Thoughts/pseuds/Latent_Thoughts
Summary: APRIL FOOL'S DAY ONE-SHOTA proud member of the fandom gets stuck in an elevator with actor Tom Hiddleston. Things escalate in a crazy manner, and the 'conda' gets unleashed. Things get even crazier then, as she discovers something strange about him. Not all is as it seems. But then again, that’s the spirit of this very special day, no?





	

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is, my April Fool’s Day One-Shot. It’s a fun take on the fandom in general. A Crack Fic to the max. (I wholly and truly apologize to dear Tom Hiddleston, for I have sinned).

Magical. _Magical_ is the only way to describe it.

It’s an event that’s celebrating the Marvel movies. Two sisters are in attendance, exited to see their favorite characters in so many ways! And not just characters, but the wonderful people who played them as well!

There’s even cosplaying happening! The younger sister is dressed as the Black Widow, and the elder, well, as an Asgardian. What an eclectic choice! Well, she had wanted to play Loki, but the costume was a bit complicated to arrange in a short time.

Why Loki? Because Loki is her most favorite character and the man who played him is her most favorite actor… no most favorite man.

Alas! Plans don’t come to fruition all the time, and hers mostly did not. But it’s still fun and she’s still thrilled to experience the awesomeness of the event. Now, only if she’d be able to see Tom Hiddleston… that would make her night!

She taps her foot impatiently, waiting at a toys kiosk for her sister to return. Emergency costume adjustments are on, and her friend, who designed both of their costumes, is with her sister. Being the one left out doesn’t thrill her much.

Soon, she grows tired of waiting, and so, decides to explore more the place.

So many characters, so many costumes! Her Asgardian garb does shine, but it wasn’t comparing to the brilliance of others.

So many characters, so many costumes! There’s statues of Marvel stars!

So many characters, so many costumes! She got….. lost.

Oh no!

She runs here and there, tries to make sense of it, but somehow, her bad sense of direction adds to the confusion and aids in her being lost in the huge premises.

Confusion, so much confusion!

She takes an elevator up… hoping it leads somewhere. She’s only led further astray. She wanders around and then forgets which way the elevator was! Asking other people doesn’t really help. They only tell her that there are ten such elevators here.

Which one had she taken? She couldn’t decipher!

Now, somewhat panicking, her perfect flowing Asgardian hair spilling out of its binds, she tries to hop on to the first elevator she sees. It’s in a somewhat secluded area than the rest she had found, but still, she takes her chances.

This is bad, so so bad. If she got lost here, how would she get to see the rest of her most favourite things?

She’d miss all the fun!

Oh no!

Now, the first thing she wants to seek out is someone from the staff or security. Perhaps they’d help her and not let her stay lost in this labyrinth.

The elevator jerks and goes up. She panics again! She wants to go down, not up. Oh no… new floors and more confusion!

When it _does_ stop, someone walks in…

No… not _someone_ , it is freakin’ Tom Hiddleston himself!

What’s happening? Is the cosmos aligning to give her the one thing that she always wanted?

_OMG OMG OMG…. FANGIRLING MODE ACTIVATED!_

“Hello,” he says, a small smile on his oh so kissable lips.

She wants to say hello back to him, but her lips stop functioning. _The whole of her_ stops functioning.

Oh no!

Her breathing quickens, she pants like a dog. Not a word comes out!

He sees her with a concerned, worried face, those mesmerizing eyes going from her head to toe. “Are you all right, dear?”

The elevator goes down. Her panting goes up. He raises his eyebrows at her and she knows she’s close to simply passing out.

The elevator jerks. Badly. And then it stops.

Oh no!

She’s trapped in an elevator with Tom Hiddleston! What the hell is _happening_?

“Looks like we’re stuck,” he says, eyeing the elevator. Then he eyes her again. “I’m so sorry, dear, I’m sure you had somewhere to be.”

Tom Hiddleston is talking to her, and she still manages to only pant like a dog! This is no time to be hyperventilating!

She’s about to faint, she knows it, but then his arms are around her. His arms are around her!

His face, now closer, looks on at her with even more concern as her body starts going limp in his arms.

_No, no, don’t faint in his arms!_

His arm slips around her waist to hold her closer, and then he touches her face. He touches her face!

“Poor dear, let me help you, darling,” he says, as a strange sensation of floating in the void comes over her. This must be what fainting feels like.

Oh no!

But in the next moment, her eyes flutter open and she feels giddy. Tom is holding her still, in those gorgeous, long arms of his.

Oh yes!

She feels giddier. It’s like a weight has been lifted from her mind!

“Tom,” she says, surprised that she can finally speak to him. “Tom, you’re here!”

“Yes, dear, I’m here.” He smiles down at her. “Do you feel better?”

She feels encouraged by that lovely smile. She wants to talk some more!

“Tom, I don’t think I feel much better. I think it’s worsening!”

Wait, where is this coming from? She only wanted to talk to him for a bit, tell him how amazing he was.

“Oh dear, are you still feeling faint?” he asks, touching her forehead now. Oh, those long, elegant fingers are touching her face.

Oh yes!

“I… I do. But your touch makes me feel better.” Her face reddens. Those were her dirty thoughts becoming words. What’s happening? Did the bout of hyperventilation render her without a filter?

Oh no!

“Oh, does it?” he asks, once again showing so much concern. So sweet and kind!

“Yes, please touch me more…” she breathes harder. He filter is absolutely broken. Is she seriously trying to flirt with this man, the most amazing and beautiful man she ever saw?

YES! Yes, she is!

Giddy again…

Tom looks confused though. “Are you sure it’ll help?”

“Yes, I think it will. Oh Tom, please help me!” She goes limp in his arms again, deliberately, and he holds her tighter still, now against his chest.

“Yes, yes, my fair maiden, I shall help you.” He touches her whole face with his fingers, caressing from forehead to chin, from one cheek to the other, and from the tip of her nose to her lips. “Better?”

Oh, he’s playing along! Perhaps he’s in a playful mood. Good thing her panic chose to vanish. Maybe she can get him to play some more.

“A little better… I think I need more,” she whispers, looking up into his gorgeous blue-green eyes.

“A true love’s kiss?” He smiles down at her, eyes dancing in humor.

“What?”

“Aren’t you a princess of some realm, darling?”

Oh, he’s making a reference! She understands that reference!

“Perhaps,” she replies, wondering what he would do. “A true love’s kiss, yes!”

And then, in a split second, his lips are on hers, glorious and truly divine!

Oh yes!

A moan escapes her, and she feels a great and heavy haze take over her whole body. She marks it as lust. Extreme lust.

Tom is kissing her… obviously there’s supreme lust involved now.

Oh, and it’s not a chase kiss. There’s tongue… so much tongue.

She feels even giddier, if that’s possible!

“Better?” he asks once he’s done tasting her mouth, and his eyes almost seem to glow.

“I… I think I need more.” She bites her lip and breathes heavy, unable to form a more articulate sentence. His kiss has her in a fix.

“Tell me, darling, for I endeavor to cure you.” He strokes her hair and looks down at her tenderly.

“Your glorious conda!” she blurts out, and she can’t even regret saying it, because he smirks in response.

Oh, he knows what the conda is? _Oh god…_

“Are you sure it’ll help?”

“I think so…I need you to plug it in me. I need recharging.“ She can’t believe the nonsense her mouth is spewing, but he chuckles and she goes ahead and says more. “My batteries are about to die, Tom, help me! I need your conda therapy!”

“Oh dear, do you, now? It’s a most difficult therapy to give, I’m afraid.”

“Yes, I know! But please… help me before it’s too late!” Her mind wars with her mouth, to stop this silly talk and apologize to him. But alas… she can’t seem to make herself stop!

And not just her mouth, her body as well, is acting like it’s possessed. She’s going down on her knees!

And Tom… oh god… he opens and unzips his pants… and releases the mythical creature called the  _conda_!

And it’s as big as the legends told her, smacking her right in her pretty face.

Not sure if _Oh no!_ or _Oh yes!_

Then, suddenly, her mouth has a mind of its own… and it latches on to the conda!

Her mouth freaking gobbles the conda. Or attempts to.  The conda resists being gobbled!

She’s sucking the most desired mythical creature of the fandom, and it’s not even mythical! It’s very real, and very big indeed.

Oh yes!

Tom gasps. “Is it helping?”

But she chokes on the conda then, in her enthusiasm to say yes.

“Oh dear, are you all right?” he asks, worried now, bringing a hand around her head.

She gasps and removes her mouth from the conda. “I’m fine. You’re so kind!”

“Yes, of course, darling. I want to help you!” His eyes widen and look so innocent then. Kind of weird, considering that she’s holding his conda in her hand and stroking it.

“Yes, Tom, help me please. You’re the only one who can now.”

"Yes! Yes, I will rise to the occasion!”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.” She licks her lips and smiles.

He then pulls her head back on to the conda, a bit assertive. She likes it!

Oh yes!

She swirls her tongue around it… round and round and round. SLURP!

Tom carries on speaking, his voice low and groaning. “Yes, yes, I want to help as much as I can… but oh my, your mouth is magical.”

It encourages her to take the conda deeper, as a personal challenge. She ends up choking again.

Oh no!

“Sweet thing, I don’t think it’s possible for you to do what you’re trying to do,” he says then, pulling the conda away from her mouth. It leaves her lips with a loud pop.

She pouts from the loss of the conda. “Perhaps we can try to fit it elsewhere?”

He smiles, but his eyes are deep and earnest. "Sure dear, but good lord, I’m not sure you can take it. You look so delicate, like a flower, and I don’t want to bruise and pluck your petals like a brute.”

Oh, his words, his voice, they just melt her. But still, she wants more of that conda.

"I don’t know, Tom. Why don’t you try it and we’ll see. Although, I’m fairly certain I can take you. All of you.”

"Oh darling, I don’t want to hurt you…” he begins, but she starts stroking the conda again, which is now bobbing up and down in approval to her touch and maybe, to her suggestion. THE CONDA APPROVES!

“But you said you’d help me. I need you!” She whines, and strokes him harder.

Tom falters then. “Ah… all right, I’ll try, as I did say I want to help. And I must protect you from whatever ailment that has taken hold of you!”

Tom sits down then, and lays her on her back. Her dress is pushed up to her waist and her panties are removed quickly, as if by magic!

Her cheeks redden as he holds her legs and opens them, revealing her to him. “But first, darling, let me ensure that you’re lubricated enough for me. I don’t have anything else here to ensure that, so I’ll use my tongue! I’m so sorry dear, here we go.”

“You won’t hurt me, Tom. A man such as yourself is not capable of such things,” she whispers, holding her dress up in her tight fists.

Tom settles in between her legs and then valiantly puts his tongue to good use. He is so hardworking and industrious with it! The tongue speaks to her in the ancient language of fornication preparation.

It’s long and smooth, and it pretty well makes out with her quick and wet flesh.

Tom is concerned again as she moans and cries out and shivers. “Are you worsening? I shall put more effort into it. Must lick it like my own life depends on it. Don’t you worry, my fair maiden!”

He pushes it inside her and then hums and growls, like a man possessed! She wails his name! Oh what a glorious way to come!

Oh _fucking_ yes!

He wipes his mouth and stares at her with surprise. “My fair maiden, you look faint once again!”

“Yes Tom, quick, put your conda in. PLUG IT IN NOW!” she cries, desperate for more of the glorious conda.

Tom concentrates on her face as he plugs the conda in, perhaps, not wanting to lose her to whatever ailment she were suffering from, obviously. He will be a hero for her!

But the conda is doesn’t go in with ease. The conda resists!

Oh no!

"Keep trying. Don’t give up now,” she moans in encouragement, seeing that he struggles with the conda.

He gives her a pleading look, full of the burden that he bears with the legendary conda. “I must push your pleasure button to keep your natural slickness coming. I’m sorry, darling, but it may take a few tries to get it in.”

“Yes! Yes! Do anything you need to do!” she urges, just as he pushes the said button several times.

And lo and behold, his expert touch has her flowing wet… like a rivulet!

He pushes… 4 inches in…

He pushes again… 6 inches in…

But oh god, still a lot of conda to go!

She’s already losing her grip with reality. It’s not even home run yet.

But Tom is a brave warrior! He is skilled in this art! He shall conquer this problem with his will and his conda as his weapon of choice.

“Once more unto to the breach!” he growls now, Shakespeare powering his thrusts.

She arches her back and cries out repeatedly…

He pushes in with renewed vigor… 8 inches in now.

_But oh Conda, hallowed be thy name! How come more of you is still left?!_

“I’m sorry, my fair maiden, but I might need to thrust with more power. You might be jostled but the conda shall be in then.”

“It’s okay, do whatever you think is best. I trust you.”

Tom nods and then grips her hips in his big beautiful hands. And then comes the battering ram!

He lunges inside her with power and might, and finally, finally, the conda is home!

Sweet deliverance it is, for she feels like he is exploring uncharted territory inside her. Where no man has gone before! Like _Star Trek_!

Her legs are wrapped around him like a hugging koala on crack, digging into that glorious butt of this beautiful man! Oh joy, this is more amazing than chocolates and ice-creams combined!

It hurts a bit, but it’s sweet pain.

Oh yes!

Tom closes his eyes and murmurs to her in that deep, sexy velveteen voice. “You must forgive me for this slight I have caused you. I feel the depths of you and it feels amazing! Oh fair maiden, I feel selfish now, to feel this pleasure course through me. I went in to make you feel better!”

“I forgive you, Tom,” she gasps, holding him tighter. “But I’m just as filled with pleasure as I am with you.”

His face brightens up as he hears that. And then he thrusts and pulls out, thrusts and pulls out, taking her in such long and lengthy strokes that she is rendered incoherent!

"Fair maiden, tell me what you want,” he growls, “I’m being possessed by the conda and it has a mind of its own. I’m warning you!”

“Just let it take over. I’m much better than before. Give me the conda therapy! But also, I’m getting loud, my dear Tom, please cover my lips with your hand so that I can be a good girl.”

“Good girl?” The magic words hit Tom and he blinks. “Do you want to be a good girl, mortal?” he asks, and his faces changes and morphs into something dark. She watches in awe as his inner Loki rises forth, aided by the conda.

The change only turns her on. “Yes… I’ve been a bad girl. Perhaps you should punish me.”

And then he smiles that devious Loki smile at her while he increases the intensity of his thrusts.

“Oh yes, your punishment is only beginning now. I shall do such forbidden things to you that you won’t be able to walk straight for days.” He laughs cruelly as he begins to spank her.

She bites her lip to keep from crying out. He’s actually spanking her!

Not sure if _Oh yes!_ or _Oh no!_

“Tell me who you belong to!” he all but roars, taking her with the might of a _God_.

“You! Tom, you!” she screams, nearing her climax.

He spanks her harder, in harmony with his thrusts. “Wrong answer, you mewling quim! It’s _Loki_!”

She gasps and moans, nodding to him.

“Say my name!”

“Loki!” She plays along, not wanting more spankings, for her ass feels hot now.

“Say my name!!”

“My Lord, my King! Loki!!”

He pushes in deep and grinds into her like a bilgensipe in heat.

“SAY MY NAME!!!”

She comes and screams his name repeatedly, with her body squeezing the conda repeatedly.

Oh yes!

Loki comes inside her as his name slips from her lips like a prayer so divine!

And he keeps coming and coming and coming… the conda so huge that it pumps like a running faucet!

_His cum runeth over!_

“YES! I have marked you as my own, you puny mortal!” he crows in delight.

She sighs and bites her lip, and thinks of encouraging him for playing Loki so perfectly. “Does that mean I get to keep you? You can put it anywhere…”

“Put it anywhere you say?”

He gives her a rough thrust. And she gasps. HE’S STILL HARD!!

Oh yes!

He pulls out and then turns her over. How can he simply pick her up a like a ragdoll and adjust her to his needs? It’s super hot and it arouses her even more!

He then takes her from behind, full of animalistic cries. WILD MATING SOUNDS!

Her eyes are rolling back inside her head now! So much pleasure!

In the next ten minutes, she comes several times, but Tom… or Loki? just keeps going and going… like a live action energizer bunny.

“You’ve pleased me greatly, mortal,” he exclaims, then pulls out.

A whole lot of cum spills out with his glorious conda, running down her inner thighs and legs. She doesn’t even complain. Because Tom Hiddleston fucked her as himself, and then as Loki.

_Who could complain about that? Only a moron._

She turns around and sees him adjusting his clothes, putting everything back in place. He sees the mess she is in and smiles a little contritely.

“Fair maiden, I’m sorry for your condition. But have this,” he says, offering her a large handkerchief, “and clean yourself as best as you can.”

“Thank you,” she says, blushing and accepting the handkerchief. “And don’t be sorry. I quite enjoyed it.”

“Well then, perhaps I’ll find you again,” he says, bestowing a deep kiss on her, like a knight promising to return from war.

Just then the elevator jerks and begins to move. What a cockblocker!

She cleans herself up quickly. The elevator doors open and Tom walks out.

“This is where I need to get off,” he says, turning to face her. “Farewell, my fair maiden.”

He smirks as the elevator doors close, leaving her alone and frozen in spot.

Now that the haze of lust has somewhat lifted, she kind of worries about her actions. She acted like a total slut! How did that even happen?

One moment, she was nearly having a panic attack, and the next, she was flirting with him. _How_?

When the elevator doors open next, on the ground floor, she lurches in shock at the scene before her.

Tom Hiddleston is there, surrounded by a crowd, signing autographs and taking selfies with fans. He’s not in the formal clothes she saw him in. He’s in casual clothes.

_What the fuck?_

Reeling in shock, she walks into the crowd in daze and waits for her turn to reach Tom. That’s when her sister and her friend find her, and join in.

Perhaps there was a misunderstanding… her mind suggests. But how?

When Tom sees her, absolutely no recognition comes on his face. When she asks him to sign a picture of him, she mentions for him to sign it to _‘fair maiden’_.”

Still no sign on his face that he recognizes the term.

Shocked, she can only gape at him as he smiles back at her innocently. Like the purest thing in the world!

_How could it be? What the hell happened back in that elevator?_

Her sister and friend ask her what’s wrong once they recover from seeing Tom, but she’s quiet as a mouse.

When in the car, travelling back home, she surreptitiously pulls out the handkerchief given to her by Tom. She observes it closely for the first time.

It’s kind of stained in the mixed body fluids now, but not enough to mar the strange design patterns on it. All in green. And in the center of it, is a name that is written in Old Norse runes…

Runes she recognizes because she’s in this fandom…

Oh no!

And then she gasps and hyperventilates for real.

* * *

The God of Mischief and Trickery watches over the strange crowd that gathers around the man, the pretender who so loves playing him. A slow, wicked smirk comes over his face.

Well, wasn’t it a pleasant experience now, playing the imposter that played him, tricking mortals on the day they deemed sacred to him.

He turns around and faces your screen then, tilting his head just a bit, his piercing eyes hypnotic as they hold you in their thrall.

“Happy _Lokiblót_ , mortal, or as you call it, _April Fool’s Day_. I might just come for you the next time, and make _you_ my little fool.” He grins then, pleased by that thought and also, by _your_ reaction to it. “Now, wouldn’t that be a most pleasant way to be tricked?”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it was an enjoyable read. And please forgive me for my sins against poor Tom Hiddleston. ehehehe…


End file.
